single forever

sometimes i think i was born to be the extra in other people’s stories
the loud one
the funny one
the one who fills the silence when no one else knows what to say

i’m the friend people text when they need advice
the one who makes everything a little lighter
the one who says something stupid just to make everyone laugh again

and it’s not that i’m ungrateful
it’s just that sometimes it feels like i give so much light away that there’s nothing left for me

i’m the one they say they “adore” but never really know
and i’ve started to realize i might never be someone’s favorite
never the best friend
never the maid of honor
never the person whose absence would ruin the room

it used to hurt more than it does now
back when i thought love was something you could earn if you just kept shining bright enough
back when i thought being good and kind and funny was supposed to be enough to make someone stay

my parents still ask if i’m happy
and i tell them i am
and sometimes i even mean it

but some nights it just feels like everyone else is living in color
and i’m standing behind glass watching it happen

like i’m the background noise
the voice that fills the pauses between other people’s laughter

and i don’t really want to be the main character
i just want to be seen

but maybe that’s too much to ask
maybe that’s just who i am
the silly extroverted fun friend
the one who brings the music and the warmth and the noise

and when everyone goes home
and the room goes quiet again
i just sit there in the echo of my own voice
and for a second
i wish someone would stay